Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
