So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
