Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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