have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
