I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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