planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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