I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
