How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
