I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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