Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
