I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He felt like a one man threesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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