shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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