How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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