Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
