Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
