My nipple is on Facebook.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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