Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
