some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
