this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize