so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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