I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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