Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
