I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
