well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
