maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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