I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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