hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
this is an emotional support booty call
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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