Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
