I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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