I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
