I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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