If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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