if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
