I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked a lego.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
