when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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