My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
