Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
