I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
