mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize