So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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