youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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