That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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