I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
