dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A bitchslap is in order.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
