i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So vagazzling was a success
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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