I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
