Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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