You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
