you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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