Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
