i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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