I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
