Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
