Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
