I think my fart just growled at me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
