i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
