So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
