in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize