There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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