The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm going to jail i love you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
