i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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