I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
