Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
