stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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