ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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